


In My Life

by Jacie_popslash (Jacie)



Series: PopSlash: The Reunion Series [2]
Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M, Reunions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-21
Updated: 2008-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-07 17:19:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1907403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacie/pseuds/Jacie_popslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JC and Lance discuss their relationship. Sequel to <i>It's Been A Long Time: A Reunion Story</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	In My Life

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the **Something Like August Challenge** ,   
> Lyrics © by John Lennon & Paul McCartney
> 
> Posted to AO3 06 July 2014

_There are places I remember  
All my life though some have changed  
Some forever not for better  
Some have gone and some remain_

I had never felt so nervous in my life. Well, maybe once. Or twice. I remember back to the first moment our eyes met across the room, when he stared at me with his head slightly tilted to one side, and his eyes full of curiosity. I remember my mouth feeling so dry that I was afraid I may not be able to sing. Then again a few minutes later, I found my voice and, for the very first time, sang with the four guys that would forever change my life. That first moment we sang together JC looked at me and smiled approvingly. I remember my heart racing and my thoughts running wild.

The ride back to the hotel was brief. I invited him to my room, but he chuckled and said we should both shower first. On our own. That may be the fastest shower I’ve ever taken in my life. After getting dressed, I freed the corkscrew I had purchased from its cardboard confines and pulled the four wine glasses free of their packaging, thinking I really should wash them first. I washed them, then tried drying them with the small hand towel, which left a ton of white lint behind. As if I wasn’t nervous enough! How can I serve JC wine with towel lint floating in it?

With my arms flailing in panic, I tried to think of something else I could use. JC would have simply called room service and they would have supplied him with wine glasses for free. But planning is my life. I planned this out perfectly: the wine, the glasses, the corkscrew, me freshly showered and nicely dressed and also a lovely date for the evening. When I plan things, they’re not supposed to go wrong!

Then a thought hits me. I open a dresser drawer and pull out a pair of my boxers and pray that they can rid my wineglasses of the lint. After several minutes of delicate rubbing, all four glasses are sparkling as they should be. Yeah, four. I mean, what if one broke? Or was dirty? So yeah, I plan. I take no chances.

My mouth is dry again and I smile. I should be past this. JC has been my friend, my bandmate and my business partner for more than half my life. That thought alone amazes me. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and let it out, then repeat the process a few times before leaving my room and heading toward his. This is it. This is my moment to shine. The moment I’ve been waiting for. The moment I hope I don’t screw up.

_All these places have their moments  
With lovers and friends I still can recall  
Some are dead and some are living  
In my life I've loved them all_

As soon as I knock on the door, I remember I hadn’t brushed my teeth and I should have. My eyes are tightly closed when he opens the door. I blush, he chuckles.

“I was starting to think you had second thoughts,” he says smoothly.

My laugh is uncomfortable, nervous. “Never. Hey, I brought wine,” I mention, holding up two glasses in one hand and the bottle and corkscrew in the other.

“I see. Come in. I would never turn away a good bottle of wine. Or you.”

I watch him as he watches me. He’s standing with his back against the door, propping it open. I think about pressing my chest against his, but I chicken out and settle for passing by closely as I enter the room. I head to the small sofa and set out to open the bottle of wine. He sits, watching as I open the bottle and pour wine into the glasses, handing one to him. He smiles and pats the seat beside him.

JC sips the wine and nods his approval before speaking. “So, why tell me now?”

I stare thoughtfully at the wine and tilt the glass a bit so I can swirl the liquid around. I need a moment to try to assemble some sort of verbiage that won’t sound completely stupid. “I just. I wanted you to know.”

His fingers find my chin, pulling my head up and toward him until our eyes meet. “But why now? Why not last year? Why not twenty years ago?”

My palms feel sweaty, so I rub my free hand against my jeans. “Because,” I begin uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. “Because I thought, I just want to come clean.”

He nods and waves his hand in small circles, indicating that I should expand.

“Look, JC. I had a crush on you before we ever met. I couldn’t believe that you wanted me to sing in a band with you. I was so nervous at our first meeting, I was afraid I couldn’t sing.”

“But you did.”

“Yes, and I still remember. I remember how wonderful all of our voices blended, how perfect it was.”

“Still is. Perfect harmony.”

“Then I wasn’t sure about my feelings. Like, I wasn’t sure if this was just a teenage crush or something. I told Justin. He said I shouldn’t tell anyone else. I listened to him, but it was because I was unsure.”

His hand finds mine, he holds it for a moment, rubbing his thumb against my skin.

“Then the more sure I became of my feelings, the more Justin pushed us apart. The separate busses and always wanting to write songs together with you and Chris. I felt like we’d never get a moment alone together. And he told me to keep it a secret because if we did get together, that would be the end of NSync. Then it just never seemed right. You were seeing some girl, I was seeing some guy.”

Then he smiles. That smile that lights up his face and crinkles his eyes until they almost disappear. “I saw guys, too.”

“Really?” I’m surprised, because I never knew. I hoped. I prayed. But I never _knew_. “Who?”

“Lance, you know I never kiss and tell. I liked you, too, Lance. Back in the beginning, you were so young, so fresh and unspoiled. You were like this beautiful country flower, or maybe a Basset Hound pup. Your eyes were always open so wide, fascinated by everything.”

“By you.”

“Everything. I watched you learn and grow. I watched you come to life and change from this little naive country boy, into this wonderful young adult. You handled everything so well. You and Justin, you both matured so quickly, so easily. I wanted you, even back then.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But I didn’t want to freak you out or anything. I didn’t want to spoil you.”

He moves his hand to my face and I press my chin into his palm, kissing his skin.

“I wonder what things would have been like, back then. If we had gotten together.”

I watch as he reaches for the bottle and refills our glasses. “I knew you were a virgin. You deserved to choose your first lover. I didn’t want to add any more pressure onto your shoulders. Our lives were so insane back then.”

“And there was Bobbie.”

JC smiles again. “She was alright. But she was a plant. Lou wanted us to have girlfriends so we weren’t out chasing tail all the time. He wanted us to have girlfriends so we wouldn’t look like five guys singing on stage then having all night group orgies on the bus as we headed to the next show.”

I suddenly picture the five of us, naked on a bus together and I have to laugh. No one would have enjoyed that more than me. I think. 

“Bobbie was a plant. Public Relations. She worked for a magazine. We gave them scoops, they gave us exposure. All set up by Lou.”

“At least Lou’s long gone. ”

JC leans closer, his fingertips caressing my face. “No Lou. No girls. Only us.”

_But of all these friends and lovers  
There is no one compares with you  
And these memories lose their meaning  
When I think of love as something new_

The wine has made me feel a little giddy. I set my glass down and press against JC. My arms find their place around his neck and I pull him into a kiss.

He’s still holding his wineglass in one hand, but his other hand rubs against my arm. “Your lips taste like sweet, sweet wine.”

“Clean them off with your lips, my baby.” I try to sound suave, but JC laughs at my efforts and my corniness. Still, I earn another kiss. 

I take the glass from his hand and set it onto the table beside mine and return my attention to JC. After pulling his shirt free from his pants, I work my hand underneath, splaying my fingers against his warm skin as I lean in for more kissing, with mouths open this time. 

After a few long minutes, I finally work up the courage to unfasten his jeans and rub my hand against his cock. Then he stops me, pushing me away.

“I’m sorry, JC.”

He’s still smiling. “For what?”

“You, you pushed me away. I guess I shouldn’t have. Your pants. I shouldn’t have.” This time, I reach for the wine, filling only my glass and drinking it in gulps as I consider getting up and leaving. Maybe this is a mistake, doomed to failure. Then I feel his hand on my arm.

“Lance, it’s just that, I want to take this slowly. There’s no reason to hurry. The tour is booked for months. There’s no reason for us to jump into things too quickly. And even though we’ve known each other forever, this is new to us. If this is going to work, we need to treat this relationship like we’re meeting and dating for the first time. I want to take things slow and learn what you’re like as a boyfriend. I know you as a friend and in business, but I want to learn who you are as a boyfriend.”

“And a lover?”

“Eventually.”

“So this is our first date?”

“Officially?”

I love him. He’s serious and funny, he’s sexy and relaxed, he’s gorgeous and unassuming, all rolled up together in the most adorable, beautiful package ever. My eyes drop to his crotch for a moment before I bring them back to meet his eyes. He’s thinking.

“Lance, may I take you out to dinner? That can be our first official date.”

“Sure. When?”

“Now. The restaurant is still open.”

“Or we could stay here and order room service. Get to know each other better without the interruptions of servers, fans and media.”

“Excellent plan.

_Though I know I'll never lose affection  
For people and things that went before  
I know I'll often stop and think about them  
In my life I love you more_

“I just want you to know, that I want this to work. I love you so much, JC. But, if things don’t work out as boyfriends, I’ll still always love you. We’ll always be friends.”

“Of course we will be. We’ve been through too much already, nothing can take that away.”

“I don’t ever want to lose you, or the other guys.”

His arms pull me into a strong hug. “We will forever be. This will only make us stronger. We wouldn’t have it any other way. We will always always always love each other. Whether we’re together or apart, I will love you forever.”

And then it hits me as I relax into his arms, how right this feels.

 

~END~  
08/21/2008


End file.
